Jim pulled on one leg of his trousers and stopped. His wallet had fallen out of the back pocket and dropped onto the locker room floor. Before slipping it back into his trousers, he opened it and looked at the top picture. It was still bright and clear except for the edges which had become a little faded from living in the tight, sweaty space between Jim’s butt and his chair. Jim looked at the picture of himself and his wife and kids. He hadn’t really given it much more than a fleeting glance over the past several months and now he really looked at it closely.

His wife looked the same. Despite being 36 and approaching middle aged, she still looked great and he thought she was incredibly sexy. He, however, had changed considerably since this picture was taken and he could barely imagine going back to that body.

“Who’s that fat guy with your wife and kids?”

Jim jerked his head to the right to see Arnie, grinning and peering over his shoulder at the picture. Arnie and he were workout buddies. They shared both the same time slot at the gym and division in the Company.

“I was pretty large back then, wasn’t I?” he said, adding his own wide grin. “This isn’t even that old. I think we had this taken less than two years old.”

“I remember when you looked like that. You’ve really slimmed down and toned up a lot since then.”

]]> http://martypants.us/Writing/?feed=rss2&p=21 3 http://martypants.us/Writing/?p=27 http://martypants.us/Writing/?p=27#comments Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:41:08 +0000 martyr http://martypants.us/Writing/?p=27 Just a little cross pollination here… I wrote an article on the details of Korea New Years rituals and customs on the столовеUlsanOnline site. I try to keep things separate from writing about me, my politics, my fiction and my Korean adventures, but there’s no harm in linking.

I also have a new article written on some Korean culture. Check it out here.

   Despite the outwardly conservative nature of the Korean culture, some surprising paradoxes can be found. Public displays of affection between men and women are generally discouraged. Hugging and kissing your significant other in public is frowned upon and those engaged in it are considered immoral. However, a number of factors have led a portion of society to engage in sex in public places. DVD Rooms and coffeehouses have become places where having sex is routine.

   Although not encouraging their patrons, the proprietors, wait staff and clerks simply accept it and look the other way. It is more an accommodation of needs when limitations, be they pocketbook or family situation, prevent couples from practicing sex in normal, more accepted locations.

   At a coffeehouse in Samsondong, patrons have their choice of sitting at open or closed booths. The open booths have high wooden backs that allow some level of privacy for conversations but it’s the closed booths where the action is. The closed booth is a small room with swinging, saloon-style doors that prevent the other patrons from seeing anything more than the occupants’ ankles and feet. Sitting in an open booth, this writer was treated to a view of clothes bunched around the ankles of the occupants of the closed booth. The owner of the coffeehouse, who wished to remain anonymous, explained that her coffeehouse was close to both participants’ offices. Since both were married to other people, her shop offered a convenient and affordable location for some early evening “slap and tickle” prior to going home to their respective spouses.

   At another coffeehouse in Gongeoptop, all of the booths are swathed in heavy curtains, shielding the habitants from view from anyone except the wait staff. The waitresses only open the curtains when summoned by a table ringer, so there’s little worry of unwanted exposure. The patrons here are a younger crowd, high school and college students mostly. For the price of a glass of juice and a side dish, couples can enjoy each other’s company and some moderately heavy petting for hours. Not all is hidden, however. At over 185cm, I had the ability to see over the top of the curtain and view the under-the-top action.

   The real deal for sex in public places however is the DVD room. For 12,000 Won, a couple can enjoy a movie and each other on a large sofa/bed.  At the Cineoré DVD Room in Mugeodong, Ji Hye Cha explains that approximately 10 couples a week have full on sex in their establishment. Couples can do the wild thing for up to four hours in the spacious room and bed. She noted that most of the couples are unmarried, college-age and find the DVD room a far cheaper alternative than a motel, which can cost upwards of 40,000 won or more.

   Even the foreigners here in Ulsan have been known to use DVD rooms for more than movies. Jo Holeton confessed to using the rooms for several reasons. “It’s more romantic than my tiny, one-room apartment. And some women like the added excitement with the chance of being caught,” he explains.

   Whether it is for convenience, affordability, excitement or marital status, sex in public places is a reality here in Ulsan. Couples can get busy in a variety of settings outside the home.

Dating a Korean

Many foreign men have wondered if it’s possible to have a relationship with a Korean woman while living here. Not just have a sexual relationship, but a loving, girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. Of course it’s possible, but not without some adjustments in mindset.

To pursue a relationship with a Korean woman using the same rules of engagement that we learned in our own cultures when dating western women would be a recipe for disaster. Similarly, to assume the entire code of conduct that Korean men deploy in their arsenal would have the same result. We are not Korean men, but neither are the objects our of pursuits western women. It seems obvious enough to state, but neglecting the subtleties can be dangerous, derailing any plans for amorous activities. Adaptation is the key.

Having successfully negotiated the obstacles, roadblocks and potholes in a cross-cultural relationship, this author can share a few tips for the rest of the men on how to proceed.

First, if you haven’t seen it already, watch “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?” with Sidney Poitier. It’s a Hollywood classic on race relations. And, you guessed it, you’re the black guy. It’s been 40 years since blacks in America could only sit in the back of the bus and dating a white woman was unthinkable. Korea is more advanced than that era, but not significantly. Mixed couples can still garner evil looks and muttered epithets. Not only must you be prepared for it, your date must be willing to endure it. Korea has one of the most homogenous populations on the planet and the possibility of dilution concerns many a parent. If your potential partner will have a problem with that, move on, retreat and live to fight another day.

Second, it’s the manners that matter. Politeness is the key. Korean society is based on it, so respect it. But, take advantage of the fact that we generally treat women as equals while Korean men may not. You can impress your date tremendously by doing the dishes if she’s cooked the meal. Women are used to putting their men on a pedestal, but not opposed to change if they know you’re in favor of an equal setting. Treat her as an equal and she’ll never date another traditional Korean man. If you assume the role of a Korean man and order your date around or expect her to wait on you, she may comply but you won’t win any battles and you’ll likely go home alone. I let my girlfriend wield the shears when we eat bulgogi, but everything else we do equally.

Last, be patient. Nothing will happen overnight, especially here in Ulsan. You might get lucky in Seoul in a one-night-stand, but here dating requires a siege mentality. You must be prepared to wait and show her you care about her as a potential girlfriend, not just a sex partner.

Kimchi, Dog Stew and Ginseng: The Korean Method of Health Maintenance

Is there something that Koreans know that the World Health Organization should be told about? Is there a cure for SARS sitting right here in Korea while the rest of the world waits on edge for the next outbreak to occur? Last year’s SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) scares that hit China, Japan, the U.S and Canada had little impact on the lives of Koreans. Not a single person in Korea came down with the dreaded pneumonia-like disease, even though it was first diagnosed just a few hundred kilometers away in China. Multiple people in Japan have also contracted the disease. Why is it that countries on either side of the Korean peninsula have had a number of SARS outbreaks, but not a single case has been diagnosed here? Koreans know. It’s the kim-chi. Or, at least that’s what they believe.

The logic behind it is not without merit. Kim chi is the ubiquitous Korean side dish of pickled cabbage, garlic and red pepper. It is present for every meal, eaten by both young and old. The logic goes like this: All Koreans eat kim chi all the time. No Koreans contracted SARS. Therefore, kim-chi prevents SARS. Although the rules of logic do not specifically work that way, it seems plausible enough. There are several studies on garlic, a prime ingredient of kim-chi and its abilities to produce an anti-biotic, virus-fighting compound called allicin. While several labs and universities around the world have conducted studies on garlic, there is yet to be definitive proof that garlic and kim-chi have a positive effect on viruses such as SARS. Even so, the numbers are hard to deny. Naturally, the claim that kim-chi can prevent SARS has given some entrepreneurs additional ammunition to promote kim-chi as a preventative for AIDS as well. The logic surely doesn’t hold up here, though. As of December 2003, an estimated 8,300 Koreans had the HIV virus.

Another myth about Korean food includes what other cultures consider “man’s best friend.” While it is true that some Koreans do consume dog meat, it is not mainstream Korean fare. Traditionally, dog meat is thought to provide energy, and act as an aphrodisiac. While men eat the canine cuisine, presumably for bedroom stamina, women are also known to eat it, albeit for different reasons. Because dogs don’t perspire, their flesh is supposed to improve resistance to Korea’s thick summer heat. It is usually a summer dish, eaten on hot days as the energy provided bolsters their heat-weakened bodies. For men, the additional belief is that dog meat is supposed to cure male impotence and improve normal male sexual performance.

Killing, cooking and selling dog meat is illegal in Korea, although rarely enforced. An observant traveler should have no trouble finding boshintang, or “health-enhancement stew.” In fact, legal or not, dog meat is often prescribed by doctors for Koreans with debilitating diseases, and for patients recovering from surgery. The idea that dog meat is healthy goes back many years and again is probably based on Chinese influence. While most of the western world abhors the practice of eating dog flesh, the Koreans are sold on its alleged health benefits.

Yet another gastric delight, myth or otherwise, that is popular in Korea is ginseng. Ginseng’s reputation and popularity are unparalleled by any other herb, especially in Asia. Ginseng‘s influence is cumulative and slow, and usually not noticeable within days. Ginseng’s action is also rather gentle, non-specific, and broad, which is the reason why ginseng is a general ingredient for almost every Asian herbal formula. Grab anyone in Asia and ask what to do if you are tired, weak, sick, or want to improve your health and become stronger. He or she will recommend taking ginseng. Hundreds of herbal supplements proclaim that the addition of ginseng will dramatically (choose all that apply to you) improve circulation, act as an antidepressant, increase energy, enlarge the penis, and many others. One of this author’s favorite tag lines on ginseng products is “Enjoy the fresh taste, fill your body with superfluous nutrients.”

Whatever ills befall you, there’s sure to be a cure in Korean food, medicine or supplements. After all, the Korean culture has been around for over 5000 years. They must know something about staying healthy. However, it isn’t all as good as it might seem. South Korean life expectancy is just 8^th in line when compared to its 15 Asian neighbors.

Some of these sharks came within mere inches of us as we carefully made our way around the sandy bottom. Once, a gray nurse swam right up to me as if to knock me down. I had to just stay motionless while it came up, made a close turn around me and then went between me and my dive partner. Another shark, this one, its mouth bulging with huge sharp teeth, grazed the top of my head as it swam by. An uncontrolled shiver went through me, and I wasn’t sure if it was the cold water temperature or the proximity to one of nature’s pure carnivores. Most divers don’t get this close to a set of teeth.

The Lemon sharks were particularly territorial and circled around us as we came into their “space.” One of them actually swam close enough to bump me as it went by, almost as if to make sure I knew who was in charge. He wasn’t particularly happy with divers

The place: Busan Aquarium. Ok, so it wasn’t out in the wilds with unpredictable carnivores roaming around us. It was in Busan’s famous Shark Tank. They have an appointment-only guided tour that takes you into the back rooms of the aquarium for training and gear and then into the tank to swim with the sharks. Meanwhile, the multitudes of visitors in the aquarium watched from the glass outside as we roamed the tank and shared space with these magnificent animals. Most of the kids outside waved at us – and expected waves back. I love the kids, so I stealthily raised a hand and waggled it slightly. Most of the time, I kept my hands at my chest. Professional divers feed the sharks by hand, so I didn’t want them thinking my outstretched, waving hand was another morsel. Even though these animals are in an aquarium and fairly docile, they are still wild animals and the staff told us to keep our hands to ourselves, primarily so we could keep our hands.

All told, it was a 4 hour tour, including the instruction, the animal behavior information we needed to know and the diving information. Some of the friends I went with were not divers, so their instruction (and cost) was higher than mine, and a little superfluous for me. But I listened attentively and took it as a refresher course. We were only in the water 40 minutes, but between the cold water and the adrenalin, I was pretty tired. After a little dinner and a 2 hour bus ride home, I was wiped out. For the prices of 55,000 Won, (75,000 for non-divers) it was an adventure well worth the price.

I have a working title. I’m calling it  At the End of the Road - check out the first chapter.